Stop Doing Drugs Facebook

We all know drugs are bad.

Illegal drugs, if used, have terrible consequences. I’ve listed a few of those consequences below as a reminder to those who’ve since forgotten the lessons of parents & teachers alike.

They melt brains.
Drugs cause uncomfortable pain after prolonged use.
You become addicted.
Hallucinations lead to bad choices.
Panic attacks (or bad trips) often occur.

Facebook is currently undergoing a massive overdose of illegal drugs.

Now, I don’t happen to know the drug of choice for a social network; but I’m pretty sure it’s a bad one. Tonight I logged into Facebook, and was in utter shock and horror. Why would such a classy, responsible individual turn to drugs? Doesn’t Facebook understand the consequences? Facebook is having a very, very bad trip.

This was just “one” of my first impressions after viewing the “new” Facebook for the first time….

Hate that new scrolling “ticker” in Facebook. I feel like a little kid who can’t concentrate in school because Santa keeps running past the classroom window.

Obviously there was a drug binge or awful relapse today for the poor fellow. Looking slightly deranged and hungover. Have you noticed…

the awful scrolling ticker on the right sidebar?
the home and profile buttons have changed?
your news feed has been drugged drastically?
they’ve copied the Google+ method for displaying photos?

And these are just a few of the problems.

Maybe I’m being a little too pious, but I’m going to go ahead and scream with as loud a voice as I can muster…

…Facebook, please stop doing drugs!

Your good friend, MySpace, did drugs for quite a while. We tried to help, but couldn’t. After repeated, failed attempts and a desire to set MySpace on a clear path – it was to no avail.

Facebook, I care about you. Please stop. Stop becoming something you’re not. You better stop before it’s too late, you’re too cluttered, and you suffer the same fate as poor little MySpace. Just say no!

“No to drugs” photo by Craighton Miller.